Dear Abby advises a woman whose husband withholds affection, a widow struggling with grief, and a retiree who doesn’t want to exchange gifts this Christmas.
My strongest “love language” is physical touch. For 23 years, my husband gave hugs galore to any and every woman, but never to me. The word “never” is not an exaggeration. He has recently begun to change and try to be better. Now he does hug me as much as I want. But when he hugs other women, it still feels like a knife through my heart.
He says the hugs mean nothing to him, but I question why, if they were so insignificant, he couldn’t give me even one for more than two decades? How do I get over feeling hurt when he hugs other women? Is there something wrong with my perspective on this? I’m not sure if I’m being too sensitive. —DEAR FINALLY:
Too sensitive? There is nothing wrong with your “perspective.” For 23 years your passive-aggressive husband chose to withhold a gesture of affection you requested, while showering other women with it. It’s “nice” that he’s finally willing to make the effort to hug you but, frankly, it seems a bit late. It may take a therapist to help work through your justified hurt and anger over this. My advice is to start now.My husband died suddenly three months ago.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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