The biggest mistake that adult children can make is thinking that the subject of their ageing parents downsizing and decluttering is a one-sided conversation.
After my 91-year-old grandfather died, it took my mum three years to sort through the mountain of paperwork and memorabilia that he’d amassed over seven decades with my grandmother. As I begrudgingly think of my own mother’s mortality – especially after unexpectedly losing my dad two years ago – I worry about landing in the same kind of mess, all while trying to process the grief.
The biggest mistake adult children make is having a one-sided conversation in their head about the situation.If you’re ready to have the decluttering conversation with your own parents, here’s what else experts recommend.Sharon Praissman Fisher, founder of Nurtured Well, a provider of online and in-person therapy, says the biggest mistake adult children make is having a one-sided conversation in their head about the situation.
The answers can help you set clear intentions and goals as a first step in the process. “Write them down and refer back to this when emotions run high,” Fisher says. This theme of respecting your parents’ autonomy must continue throughout the process, she adds. Rather than assuming a leadership role when it’s time to start purging, ask what they need from you, or gently suggest ways you can help.
For things that may be valuable – or for parents with a higher volume of belongings – it’s often helpful to bring in an estate expert who can take items to auction or sell them online. While you’ll no doubt be pleased – even touched – to inherit some items, the awkward part comes when your mum or dad tries to send you home with something you really don’t want. Though navigating these situations can be tricky, Fisher suggests gently telling the truth, rather than accepting the item only to donate it later on yourself.
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