A student seeks advice on how to handle persistent comments from parents about weight gain, despite academic and personal achievements.
If your unhappiness about unsolicited comments about your body has any hope of registering, says Eleanor Gordon Smith, you have to do more than pushback here and thereHow do I get my parents to stop fixating on the fact I’ve gained weight? I’m an undergraduate at one of the most competitive universities in the UK and received top grades throughout school to get in. Since going to university I’ve kept busy and achieved a lot.
My parents have always valued eating well, exercising and “looking” healthy, and have had multiple conversations with me over the summer about my weight.started pushing back a bit on it and telling them how uncomfortable it makes me feel. I fear it never quite gets through to them. Is there any way to get them to stop for good?You could spend a bunch of time thinking through why your parents react this way.
Out of kindness for the fact that that can be a slow transition, I’d explain once, properly, why you don’t like this. Have phrases you prep in advance. “I’m not looking to lose weight, and it makes me feel scrutinised when you tell me to burn calories.” “I’m healthy and active, and it’s not fair that you think you get to tell me what to eat or how to look.
After that it’s just rule-enforcing. If you don’t want people to do X, you have to make it too costly for them to keep doing X. This starts small: phrases you repeat somewhat antisocially any time it happens. “I’ve explained I don’t want you telling me to lose weight. If you keep doing it, I’m going to have to end the conversation when you do.” It’s often a matter of calmly repeating these cause-effect statements word for word.
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