What would happen if our arts critics and sports writers swapped roles for a day? How does the English National Opera compare to the Premier League … or the NFL to a West End musical? Our experts found out last week
lenty unites the Guardian’s sports reporters and cultural critics. Both make a living observing the apex of physicality. They have to make sense of what they’ve seen at lightning speed to meet deadlines. So why not swap gigs for the day? The sports team were delighted to be working in warm venues; the critics unabashed about their disregard for the rules of the game.
But no matter how local, some of us have stumbled deep into alien territory. “Are you ready for the Afterglow, Exeter?” Hill shrieks once we’re inside. Eh? Judging by the forest of mobile phones being thrust into the air, everyone else knows her back catalogue slightly better than me. All drama is based on conflict. Without it, there is no action or story. As a theatre critic, I know this mantra well. But it is not until I arrive at the heaving splendour of Wembley stadium for my first live NFL game that I remember it can equally be about spectacle. The opening moments contain the ceremonial splash of a state parade. Men in military-style uniforms march up to the sidelines. A massive union jack and star-spangled banner are unfurled.
Parker Washington, who brings the most scintillating moment of the game with a 96-yard punt return. They are like gods in their own realm, aloof and apart from the tinsel around them. They have purity of purpose, and their defensive or offensive moves are overt displays of aggression. The crisis of masculinity increasingly explored in stories on stage is nowhere to be seen here. The old-school hero is fully intact on this field..
Here, as a music novice, I am spared the need to file live and thus expose my ignorance of the nuances of woodwind, brass and baritone, and can simply enjoy a reminder of why I’ve always loved the Jam and the Style Council. I’m less familiar with Weller’s more recent stuff but depart pretty awestruck by the depth, breadth and sheer range of his repertoire.
It helps that it is an exciting game. It’s supposedly a foregone conclusion. “The story is that Wolves are crap at the moment and Brighton have this wunderkind new manager, Hürzeler,” John tells me; even before the wunderkind rocked up, the last time they met, Brighton were 4-0 up within 55 minutes. But it doesn’t turn out like that at all. Initially, everything seems to be proceeding as expected.
Sport reporting can often be a formulaic, zero-sum affair. As the crowd begins to filter into the Coliseum theatre’s lovely soft beige and brown interior, it is hard to avoid some familiar pre-performance thoughts. Who is going to? There was talk pre-curtain of a novice conductor making her full debut here. Would Charlotte Corderoy do the basics well, settle in, and just look to find her feet at this level?is, as expected, absurd on a very basic level. This not a bad thing.
No doubt there are many who will disagree with the thrust of this review, will see it as bleating wokery, cancel culture. It isn’t really. You can generally separate the artist and the art. You could make the case that all we have here is a drama about the mystical power of children or some such. But it doesn’t feel like that. Sometimes, if something makes you feel creeped out, that’s just because it’s creepy.
The interlaced bodies of the scrum could be almost a constructivist choreography à la Bronislava Nijinska Which brings us to a warm and shimmering Albert Hall and this made-for-TV special. This is Dua as Serious Artist: one night only, a pitch for scarcity over volume, even a kind of anti-Eras vibe. Go girl, give us a 53-piece orchestra, every single track off Radical Optimism, yourA serpentine walkway cuts a swoosh across the stage, somehow allowing her to walk towards you and away from you at the same time: classic Dua, beckoning you in with one hand and pushing you away with the other.
I’ve already run the gamut of girls in tinsel-edged England cowboy hats, groups taking selfies, burger vans, merch stands, lines of stewards and police. Loudspeakers bark instructions like a PE teacher turned dictator. Vast screens pulse constantly. Compared with most classical music venues, Wembley feels like the Starship Enterprise.
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