This week, counsellor and author of Extraordinary Relationships Lucy Cavendish advises our reader on how to deal with newfound sobriety
My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We have had a brilliant relationship but it has involved us both drinking a lot together and having a lot of fun. However, three years ago I stopped drinking entirely because I was worried about my health. After that my husband began to drink excessively and our relationship suffered. Six months ago I told him that if he didn’t go and get help I would leave him. He entered AA and has been to daily meetings ever since.
This is what we know about alcohol or any drug that alters our state – it takes us from one place and puts us in another place. Shy people become loquacious. Nervous people become more confident. Couples who are not sure if they want to have sex with each other suddenly want to have sex with each other. People laugh and cry and say crazy mad things and all emotions are heightened.
It is a very positive thing to know that he values your relationship so highly that he went to AA and is sticking with it. Of course you feel bad “complaining” about it because in many ways you are getting what you wanted. You gave an ultimatum and he took the bait and ran with it. But he is an addict and the thing about AA is that it wisely replaces one crutch with another crutch.
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