It can be difficult to define a friendship, but this term puts words to these familiar relationships.
Medium friends lie between those closest to us and our acquaintances.Advertisement, sorting those closest to us, our intimates, from our acquaintances. My friend R once went a step further. He ranked his friends on a document on his computer.
He didn’t book a flight to visit her. He didn’t even call her. He observed himself not doing these things and felt self-reproach. Emily Langan, a communication professor at Wheaton College who studies friendship, describes this feeling as “I’m not willing to go there, and I feel kind of slimy for not going there, but we’re just not that kind of friend.”
My former colleague Allison Davis, who is writing a book about sex, concurred. She is a person with many friends and has noted the lack of gradations in language. But social science – which has intensively studied how marriage, close friendship, family relationships and acquaintanceship all affect the individual – has seemingly done nothing to investigate the dynamics of medium friendship, leaving us to navigate its complications without a guidebook.
Such an imbalance confounds and wounds us, leaving us feeling powerless, angry or self-critical. But we have no recourse.
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