Author Amy Jane Beer’s fascination with these elemental environments was halted by tragedy, but with time she has returned to find a deep sense of connection
omething happens to our brains when we stare at moving water: a sort of broad, effortless attentiveness. Psychologists call this state “soft fascination” and suggest that in it we might find relief from anxiety and mental fatigue, an opening up to freewheeling patterns of thought. Spend a quiet hour on a riverbank watching water slide by and you might find yourself wondering where it comes from, and where it might be going.
I returned to that same spot a few months later, on the first of January, seven years to the day after Kate’s accident, and I stripped naked and swam. I don’t remember being baptised, but it’s clear to anyone familiar with the buzz of cold water why immersion might be incorporated into ritual. In a long-forgotten part of my brain, aquatic ancestors stirred. I woke up.Three years later, I’ve found many answers. None are new.
The biological denizens of rivers give us stories every bit as weird and wonderful: the hero’s journey of salmon, the vigour of willows, the defibrillating shock of kingfisher flight. These species have become my familiars, my totems and my guides.In the run-up to the autumn equinox in September 2020 I took a trip to Wales. Unseasonal heat, clear and starry night skies, and long hours of unaccustomed solitude after months of family lockdown sent my imagination on a rampage. My dreams were wild.
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