I felt self-conscious in PE class from the age of five because I was slower than everyone else. So I checked myself out of an active lifestyle until well into adulthood
s most folks in their early 40s can attest, our bodies don’t bounce back like they used to. I never learned how to move my body. I was a pudgy kid who became an adult majestic chonklord, and the messaging in gyms was clear – I didn’t belong and shouldn’t try.
The experience of sport as hellscape doesn’t just apply to clumsy kids who resemble Winnie the Pooh. I spoke with Scott Comber, a personal trainer who first discovered a love of physicality and training as an adult, then ran a gym for six years. I wish I’d worked out how to rescue myself instead of internalising harmful rhetoric and checking myself out of a more active lifestyle. But there weren’t any visible pathways for that to happen in my formative years – every sitcom and film ridiculed fat people for existing. Making myself as small as possible, trying to draw the least amount of attention, felt like the only way to live through that time.
I never learned to use my body in a way that incorporated the strengths that I had. If only I’d known there’s more to sport than speed – and far more to education than competition. My body can be a tricky place to live for so many reasons, but seeing myself reflected in the gaze of someone I trust was key to changing the narrative. Every step up in my progress was celebrated, there were no caveats or moments of self-deprecation.The message that I could love my body – with nothing to fear or feel ashamed of – wove its way into my sense of self. Earning my place was important but it helped that I was granted permission by someone who knew their stuff.
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