Divorce at any age isn’t easy, but being young and going through it can be an isolating experience
After my husband and I divorced, I tried to give my ring back to him—but he wouldn’t take it. I think he thought of it as only belonging to me, something I would eventually understand myself. I don’t remember exactly what he said, in fact, I don’t think he said anything; he just gestured. I’m sure I shocked him when I pulled it out of my pocket with the intention of handing it over. I remember feeling slightly silly that I even attempted to return the most meaningful gift he ever gave me.
But knowing that didn’t make things any easier—especially because at the time, there was no one to relate to. I had one other close friend who had just gone through her own divorce, but she had been in a very toxic relationship and told me her situation was different. Beyond that, speaking about my divorce felt taboo. While marriage is something many people my age understand, divorce feels like a conversation reserved for women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s—not women who are fresh into adulthood.
What it feels like to be single after a marriage ends The first couple months of being single felt close to cloud nine. I was free. I could do anything and be anyone. After all, I didn’t have children, I had a flexible job as a writer and a bunch of 20-something friends who were more than willing to be my distractions. Yet anyone remotely familiar with the five stages of grief could immediately tell I was firmly in denial.
I simultaneously pulled people in and pushed them out. It was a way to constantly feel in control during the most tumultuous time of my life. It was also a way to not feel alone while still using loneliness as a form of punishment. I quietly became a master of victimization and didn’t even know it. Second truth? It’s ok not to confide in your friends. Like I said, at my age, not many of them could relate anyhow. Plus, talking to people other than your friends doesn’t mean you’re replacing them, it just means you’re finding someone who understands. That’s where a therapist comes in real handy, and so does branching out to meet new people who can relate.
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