I like to earn everything that I get, and receiving something for “free” almost entirely makes me want to vomit. Moneyist, what should I do?
I have a problem! I was raised by parents who were middle-class, who came from no money and who worked very hard to get where they are. They were very quick to teach hard work and thrift. I was never given anything other than food and a place to stay. I worked for clothes, toys, electronics, and anything that I didn’t need.
My wife’s parents are very insistent on trying to get us a house of our own, and most recently getting me a luxury car. The arguments and fights between me and my wife seem endless, and I am at a loss for what to do.The Hyper Independent Any decision should take account of the personalities involved. It may be that you can accept a loan for a down payment on a house from your parents-in-law, but no car. Have a separate conversation with your wife about what she is willing to accept from her parents, and draw a line between her comfort level and your own. If she accepts a gift, it’s not a reflection on you.
That said, there’s a lot to be gained by maintaining your own financial independence, and not feeling like you owe a third party for your home or car. Whether it’s stated or not, such gifts often come with an emotional “gift tax” that could lead to further interference in your lives. Set up a system with your wife for dealing with such requests to avoid any further disputes.
Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.• ‘I just don’t trust my sister’: How do I gift money to my nieces without their mother having access to it?
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