For some reason I didn’t walk away. For some reason I still answered him truthfully. For some reason I felt compelled to continue the conversation until I could find a way of extricating myself without causing any offence. | Ellis Gunn
defines it as “showing behaviour that is respectful and considerate of other people”. Nothing to argue with there. Most of us aim to treat others with respect and hope to receive it in return. But is there a right and a wrong time to be polite? Do we need to reassess what we teach to children?A few years ago, I met a man in an auction house. We were both looking at the same piece of furniture and struck up a conversation about it.
Yet for some reason I didn’t walk away. For some reason I still answered him truthfully. For some reason I felt compelled to continue the conversation until I could find a way of extricating myself without causing any offence. I told him I didn’t think that would be appropriate and I walked away, thinking that would be the end of it.
A predator basically wants to know how easy it is to manipulate you, says de Becker. Can they engage you in conversation and persuade you to yield to their pressure, even though you don’t want to? Can they manipulate you using guilt or by making you feel indebted to them for their help? The best defences often come at the cost of appearing impolite, he explains, but it’s a small price to pay for keeping yourself safe.
Of course, boys are taught to be polite, too, but they’re also encouraged to be brave, strong and independent. Unlike girls, they’re taught that being respected is more important than being liked, that being in control is more important than other people’s feelings.
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